What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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