just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
