Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
