I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
