Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We smell like vodka and hangover
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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