On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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