she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
