i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
