Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
