i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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