Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
