You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
