Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
