Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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