I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
