Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
