What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
