So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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