I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
