So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Boobs are out for the taking
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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