I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He passed out mid-signature
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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