All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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