did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
