I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
