Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm always down for nudity.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
