It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
