K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
