i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
