Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
