dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
