so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
