Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
