I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
