It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
