I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
