What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
