You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
