Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
