Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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