they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
