i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
