Already got asked if we're dating
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
