I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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