I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
do nipples grow back?
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