I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
