I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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