He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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