nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
