Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
