really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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