why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
